Farm Kitchen Tea Biscuits

I have often found that those recipes which contain the least ingredients, are, in fact, the most difficult to make well. For years I have been attempting (yes, attempting) to make croissants. I made them correctly just once, and I am sure that was a fluke, because it has never been repeated. And just look at that ingredient list: butter, flour, milk, yeast, and salt. That’s it. And somehow I mess it up. Each. And. Every. Time. (Well, except that once.)

These biscuits are like that. No. Not the messing up part, although that can and does happen, because trust me there are many ways to have these get away from you. No. It’s the it-appears-simple-so-it-must-be vibe. Just five everyday ingredients (three, if you’re going the traditional route). What can go wrong?

Everything.

But, even so, they are worth the making. Where else can you get a buttery biscuit–just right for tea dunking? If you know, do tell, because I certainly don’t!. And so, we shall have a go.

First, one and three quarters cups flour of the all-purpose variety (a full two cups if you’re going traditional) is placed in a bowl, along with a half cup granulated sugar. This is lightly stirred together and set aside. Now, here is where I mix it up a bit (I just can’t help myself). For textural interest, I add a quarter cup rolled oats, coarsely chopped. Now. It’s up to you if you want to follow my lead. Plain Tea Biscuits are wonderful, too.

Those oats are stirred into the sugar/flour mixture, and now the butter, chopped fine is added. A full two sticks worth (one cup). It helps speed up the process a bit if the butter is already soft, but no worries if it’s not. That’s what your hands are for.

Now, again, I go off the tracks a bit here. I add a quarter cup aromatic bitters to the bowl. You don’t have to. Again, plain is fine here. But why have a plain Tea Biscuit when you can have one with some added texture the oats bring, and the earthy zest of bitters?

Just saying.

Now, remember when I mentioned those hands getting that butter all nice and melty? Well, what are you waiting for? Get those mitts in there! At first, I lightly rub the butter between my fingers, blending it with the dry ingredients. But only until no large clumps of butter remain. Once I get there, I fill my hands with dough and make them into fists, forcing it together. This will take ALOT longer than you think it should. You will want to give up. You will think this will go the way-of-the-croissant. But DON”T DO IT. Keep working. Just think of that cup of tea you’re going to have. And what is a cup of tea without a biscuit? Why, it is nothing at all.

After ten minutes or so, the dough (should be) coming together It’s formed into three balls and one a time, the balls of dough are placed on a dry countertop. Yes. Dry. Don’t even think about adding more flour. (Can you tell this was the cause of one of my biscuit tragedies? Well it was, and I don’t want to talk about it.) A dry rolling pin is used and when it is applied, your beautiful dough will become crumbles once more and you will lift your fist to Heaven and curse the day I was born. But you will decide to wait. To roll it out a bit more. And you will see for yourself that it Will Come Back.

Now. I am a bit of a perfectionist, so, after I roll my dough out with a traditional rolling pin (Yes, French, are there any other kinds worth mentioning?), I roll it a second time with my decorative roller, which leaves small indentations neatly and precisely placed on the dough (think of a graham cracker). I then cut the dough into squares along those indentations, ensuring all my little biscuits will be identical.

These identical biscuits (Yes, that was another failed attempt. It turns out is is Very Important that they all be the same size) are placed on a cookie sheet, with or without parchment. And baked in a preheated three hundred and fifty degree oven until done.

Now, I know that sounds a bit vague, but that is the best I can do. Yours may be larger or thicker than mine, and far be it for me to give you wrong directions and cause You to have a failure. No. I will simply tell you what to look for. You want your biscuits to hold their shape well and lighten in color. When you go to remove them from they tray, they should continue to hold their shape well and come off easily. If they don’t they are Not Done Yet. And don’t even get me started on if they are DARKER. Just put them right in the trash, because that’s all they’re good for. You’ve gone and ruined them. Okay. Maybe you can give them to your dog. Or that relative you don’t like. But don’t even consider eating them yourself, or worse, dunking one in your tea. It would be a travesty.

But let’s imagine a better outcome for you. You have taken them out right on time (lighter, comes off easily) and have set them on a cooling rack. Well, good for you! That’s just what should be done! Here are mine:

Yes. I am rather proud of them, thank you. They are left here to cool until that cooling is complete, because that is another odd thing about these biscuits. They don’t give off their buttery goodness unless they’re cold. I have no idea why, I didn’t make up that particular rule, but made up it is and I intend to follow it. I suggest you do the same.

And now, I am off to have a Proper Cup of Tea and a biscuit or three!

Cheers!